I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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