i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
