Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
