Taylor Swift is so right about you.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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