i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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