Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im six kinds of drunk right now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
