Just cropdusted the office
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
