My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
