I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
