I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize