At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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