It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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