god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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