No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
as a side note pls kill me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
