Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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