Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
