He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
