just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
