It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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