I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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