i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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