I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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