I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
