I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
