i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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