I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
