Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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