I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
