I just saw a hot homeless man
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
