Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
