Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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