Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please don't give away my fajitas
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the raccoons are back...
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