I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
