hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize