Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
