Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
