I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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