She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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