I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize