At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
