Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
