please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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