My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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