Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
MIDGETS
????
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
