Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
