it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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