Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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