i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
