I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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