Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
