I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
