i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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