so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
