Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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