i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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