I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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