Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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