just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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