Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
