are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
