I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
