she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
