I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
