i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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