I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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